I want my M...

This from Jill Fraducci. It seems to capture a lot of the unease around reality television that was running riot at the end of the century. This is a transcript from a video tape that she sent to the academy in a shoebox wrapped in duct tape. We’ve edited it into print. It seems like Jill locked herself in the bathroom and filmed this ‘confessional’ herself, calling it “my way of taking control of this whole process.” The single shot is quite artfull, a slow zoom in on her own face in the mirror that remains tight (though shaking) throughout. But as is so often the case with bathroom confessionals, this is Jill’s one and only entry in to donkay. We always encourage further submission.

Ok people, this is getting a little obvious. I moved into this place a month ago, and I thought, ok new apartment, 7 strangers, but it should be cool. But by now all the signs of a hidden reality TV show are really not that freaking hard to see, alright?

I’m fine with the drama and trauma of the roommates. Its normal that there be some disagreements. And its obvious that when we have house meetings its going to be in the living room, and everybody is going to sit in a circle, even though the real reason behind it is probably so you can alternate shots of our faces. So you can’t blame me if I am a little suspicious of the fact that Sara’s friend who comes to stay here just happens to be some hunky blond who starts immediately expressing a very strong interest in me even though he doesn’t even know me. I guess I just find the whole thing a little contrived, but, you know, I can take it in stride, and I am sure our late night conversations around the pool table gave you guys some really great material.

You are probably going to peg me as the freak girl, who freaks out, and whatever. But I am so not overreacting to this. I am even fine with the funky layout of the house. It’s ok that in one of the rooms there is a futon bolted to the wall that opens up and reveals some kind of trap door that you have to crawl into and leads to some tunnels that eventually come out in the rare books library of the nearby university. I mean, I realize this is an old city, and the people there were nice when I came upon them, but they were a little camera-shy don’t you think? That whole segment didn’t quite work, right? Might not even make it into the show. I mean, was I supposed to do something there, like ask for a job?

So really, I am fine. But I think you guys can lay off the psychodelia, the weird semi-real semi cartoon shit. Oh god, it still makes me sick. I mean, in one way, you know, this is all really interesting to me as a concept, but I don’t need to deal with it was part of my life. I mean, I don’t know what bleeping channel this show is on, but when I am coming home in the dawn after a long night comforting one of my best friends after she lost her job, and I am driving home beside the lakeside park in the middle of the city and suddenly out the window I see the biggest bird I have ever seen in my life counting camping- then you people need to check your heads.

I’m sure it made for great TV that I had to pull over and stare at this thing as it lumbered through the air. Do you people employ Jim Henson’s muppet team or something? Because the shit I saw was grotesque. I mean, let me just see if I got this right. That bird was supposed to be a vulture clutching a baby pigeon in its mouth and the baby’s parents weren’t just flying over that vulture, pecking at its head as I have seen sparrows do to crows in the country, but actually riding the back of the vulture and hammering at its head like woody woodpecker, causing the vulture to fall dead and huge into the middle of the road.
(gag-type moan)

Then you guys somehow knew that this whole scene would freak me out enough that I would go running into the park and spend the early dawn clutching myself on a park bench until people started arriving at the dog run. And then you sent out that dog, that grotesque thing! I wanted to kick it, smash its body in, just to show it wasn’t real. The face, sure you did a good job on the face, but the body, oh, it still makes me disgusted to think about. What was it made of, a cardboard box with nasty fake fur glued on? Oh god. And then its owners were cast as this great couple, an Asian doctor and his wife, him so handsome and professional in his black wool coat, giving me his card, telling me I should call him. What’s that, another house field trip we’re going to make? Is the episode going to be called “In-house therapy” or some dumb thing?

And then I get home, a total wreck, and everyone’s on the couch acting normal. Scotts there eating chips and everyone, ironically, is watching TV. I ask Manny why he didn’t pick up when I called his cellphone from the park. He said, oh, that was you? Why did you call so early? And I just got so pissed that I stormed upstairs. I guess really, I just want to say- Show yourselves! I re-read the lease. And I definately did not sign up for this.